Saturday, October 21, 2006

5 weekend recommendations

1. If you happen to find yourself behind a car with some popcorn comment bumper sticker on it, describing how f'n witty that particular schmuck might be, do me a favor and just ram into them. No injuries, no after affects, just a little, "No one cares that your kid is an honor student”. To drive incentive, here is a point system.

-20 Points for a sticker that reads something like, “If you can’t read this, thank the public schools”. Really? This one pisses me off on many levels, but the chances are some underpaid, overworked middle school teacher, who deals with absolute punks on a day-to-day basis, will, in fact, smash into your car. Try sending your kids to private school from K-12 and you will see how messed up an adolescent life can actually become for 25k a year.

-10 points for ‘Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.” Shut up idiot.

-5 points for any fictitious comment that is trying too hard to produce a laugh from complete strangers driving behind you, i.e. “if you don't like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk!”, “wife and dog missing, reward for dog!” , “Stop Inbreeding, Ban Country Music”. Just stop the nonsense.

-Of course, ignore all of this if you are behind the Hussey’s blue wagon.

2. Use up your pennies. They may be on their way out and god knows you have a change jar with 500 pennies in it. I am fine with pennies being phased out, but why the hell do people have to take shots at the value of a penny. Let’s have some decency here folks… the penny has some strong links to the past. The penny was introduced by Benjamin Franklin and the copper was provided by Paul Revere, who was a silversmith. By weeding out pennies, we are taking honest Abe’s mug shot off our hard earned money. Are we going to create some new denomination of currency to get him back on the face of capitalism? I love the story of Sacagawea, she mothered herself through that voyage across the land with Lewis and Clarke. She is an inspiration, a role model, all that junk… but she is no Abe Lincoln. I can’t imagine a free American market that traded currency without Abe. Bullocks.

3. If you do not watch Heroes, do so Sunday. NBC is running a marathon of all previous episodes. This show is amazing. Every episode gets better, they leave you wanting more weekly, the characters and plot line are truly interesting, and during any given episode it has at least a couple “Holy F**k” moments. I thought it would be a little weird, but it is not. Watch it. Do it, Do it.

4. Remember to wiggle after you pee, it can get embarrassing if you don’t. I am not sure if this applies to our women readers… but wtf, go for it.

5. Head on over to NPR. They have two great concerts streaming now from the last two weeks. Wilco and Regina Spektor played, on separate dates, at the 930 club in DC. Just awesome shows.

- Wilco Show
- Regina Spektor

1 comment:

Brandon said...

1- Bumper stickers of any kind are TERRIBLE...the more the person has, the less i want to be friends with them

2- Abe still has the $5...remember?

3- If you can't make it to watch Heroes on Sunday then visit www.NBC.com to watch a full copy (decent quality) of the latest episode and recaps to get yourself caught up

4- I always forget...seriously.

5- I listen to NPR every day at work...great plug for a great service!!!