Craftmatic Adjustable Bed

Wow. A colleague of mine is looking for some furniture and we were half-jokingly looking at the “free” category on craigslist, which is often an event in itself. One of the postings was for a 2 year old Craftmatic Adjustable Bed. This, to me, seemed funny… so we dug a little deeper, checked out some of the customer testimonials and opened up a gold mine of comedy:

"The Craftmatic Bed is a godsend, really, really, really!"
-Really?

"Thank you and the people at Craftmatic for resolving the problem for my wife with her feeling the springs in our mattress. As you suggested, I called customer service and we have been sent two pillow tops which have resolved the problem. It is good to find a company that backs up its products with quick and efficient service. Thank you again for your prompt, courteous and quick resolution of the mattress problem. It is good to know that at least Craftmatic takes the problems of its customers seriously. Each day is a precious gift."
-Who is the first person he is thanking? Also, I think that last line may be taking it a bit to far... I mean it's a f'n bed.

"I would buy my Craftmatic Bed right now if I were you. Don't do what we did and wait years because you're going to get so many benefits out of having the bed. I'd recommend the Craftmatic Bed to anybody. It's an investment in good sleep, good rest, and good health, and good sex!"
-Well, you are not me and that last line just made me throw up in my mouth.

"I don't have any regrets concerning my Craftmatic Bed. In fact, we're thinking about buying another Craftmatic Bed!""We did go out and look at flat beds. At box springs and mattresses and headboards. And after we looked at all of them and added them all up, it was so close to what I paid for my Craftmatic Bed, that I'd have been a fool to buy anything else."
-Two, why in gods name would you buy another one? Your children certainly don't need this thing... is this going in the guest room?