Lyrics Analysis (Things That Make You Go Hmmm...)

Been a while since we've done a lyrics analysis here at 10CFP. Let's jump back into it with this "classic" from C&C Music Factory. As always, my comments in red...

Things That Make You Go Hmmmm...
C&C Music Factory Featuring Freedom Williams

I was at the crib, sittin' by the fireplace
Drinkin' cocoa on the bear skin rug (I'm gonna go ahead and nominate those first two lines for "Best opening lyrics in the history of music." I mean,come on now. How can you top that?)
The door bell rang. Who could it be?
Thought to myself then started to shrug
Got to the door. Ding Dong. Who is it? (You seem genuinely perplexed by this whole thing. Why don't you just go ahead and end the suspense. Open the damn door.)
My girl's best friend had payed me a visit. ("Payed?" Come on, Lyrics World...you're better than that.)
Sly as can be, tight dress and all (I'm not sure "sly" is the right word.Her scheme, which you're about to drop on us, is awfully transparent.)
She knew that I was faithful. I really didn't have the gall. (Great line)
I tried to chilll. She made the move. (Lyrics World put the extra "l" in"chilll" and I'm glad they did. It belongs.)
Now I know my girlfriend wouldn't approve.
I didn't realize my girl was settin' me up
Yo, my girl didn't trust me. No! (Man, you can just feel the pain in his voice. That was cold, girl.)Yeah, but she lost control I wouln't take the bait.
I said chill baby baby chill baby baby wait (First of all, best line in the song. Just...awesome. But, also...did you really say that? Think about it. Think about the scenario. Then think of him dropping that exact line. Makes it even better.)
My girl bust in, Caught us creating a boom ("Creating a boom" is a phraseyou really don't hear enough.)
She said "Girlfriend"?

Things that make you go hmm
Things that make you go hmm
Things that make you go hmm
Things that make you go hmm, hmm, hmm
Things that make you go hmm

Here's how it started
Just an example of how another brother can trample
Ruin your life, sleep with your wife (Dude, maybe your buddy's not the problem. I think it's your wife.)
Watch your behind
There was a friend of mine named Jay
Would come over late at night and say hey (Jay wasn't very articulate.)
I watched the fight. I thought it was alright.
'Cause me and Jay were really really tight (Wow. Those two lines might be the worst lyrics in music history. Horrible. Just horrible.)
So damned close we had the same blood type. (Yeah, you and several million other people. Minimum. If you're O+ or A+ then over 30% ofthe US population alone has the same blood type. Even if you have AB-, the most rare blood type, there are still at least 3 million matches in the US.)
Months went by and my wife got big (Can't say it in a more genteel way than that.)
We were havin' a child and I got another gig
So I let Jay move into the crib and chill (I think the damage is already done at this point anyway.)
He had his own room and helped pay the bills (I would hope he had his own room. Nice of him to help with the bills.)
The time had come (for the baby down to the scene)
It looked like Jay and I couldn't believe (OK, a)are you really going to be able to tell the baby looks like Jay in the delivery room? And b)assuming you could, is it really something that would make you go hmmmm? Seems more like something that would make you go apeshit.)
Before my eyes in the delivery room.

The things that make you go hmm
Things that make you go hmm
The things that make you go hmm, hmm, hmm
The things that make you go hmm
Things that make you go hmm
The things that make you go hmm.

Robbie Rob - break it down! (Always a good suggestion...)

Give it to me Give it to me Give it to me Give it to me (x7)
Give it to me Give it to me

Seventeen and I was havin' a ball
Eleventh grade and "Joe" I knew it all ("Joe I knew it all?" I'm not sure Lyrics World has that quite right. 17 year olds definitely think they know it all though. I agree with that part.)
I fell in love for the very first time
With this girl she really blew my mind
Inner sense and whole lotta class (Got to mean "innocence" here, no? Inner sense? That's crazy talk.)
Style that could give you whiplash (Oustanding)
We said hello and my heart beat stopped
She was the world and I was on top
Time went by, She filled my universe (Wait, so she's the world and you're the universe? I'm getting confused.)
We made love, She said I was the first
My boy kept tellin' me. Yo, I don't know
I think your girl's been playing tic tac toe (I bet Jay was involved.)
I'll ask my girl I know she only loves me
Wasn't I the one who took your viginity? (I love pop songs that rhyme "me" with "virginity.")The look on her face read sorrow and gloom
She said "Yeah, Why do you guys always ask that?" (That doesn't seem to rhyme but that's OK.)

(Chorus)
Things that make you go hmm
Things that make you go hmm
It's the things that make you go hmm

(Repeat Chorus)

Hey ladies
Have you ever had a man
Go away for business, come back with a tan
Comes home late at night from work
You cooked him dinner now you feel like a jerk
Sayin' he didn't have time to eat
And he's not even hungry, he wants to be treat (What? "Wants to be treat?" Has to be another Lyrics World error.)
To the bedroom he said his head hurts
You're only makin' love in radical spurts (What's wrong with that?)
Mysterious calls and the phone goes click
You say to yourself "I'm gonna hit him with a brick" (In the words of Ron Burgandy, "Boy, that escalated quickly...")
Ain't no way he could be cheatin' on me
I wonder who bought him those BVD's (Really wish I had never read that line.)
Dressed to a T to hang with the fellas
Over the guys and I'm getting jealous
Comin' home late smellin' like perfume (fume)

(Repeat Chorus x7) (In retrospect, was that really necessary? Repeating the chorus 7 times? I say no.)

Things that make you go hmmm...