Monday, October 05, 2009

Facebook Status Reviews

Ok, so I was going to start by saying sorry. By saying that I apologize if you find this little website and realize I am making fun of your Facebook Status Update. I was going to say no hard feelings - but screw that.

I accepted you as a friend on facebook and now you have to face the fact that your Facebook status is awful and borderline embarrassing. That is what friends do - we tell our friends when we have shit in our teeth, when our zippers down and today, in 2009, we call out people for having lame ass status updates.

So what is my social network up to...

Love Happens
You know what also happens? People take a crap because they ate to many ding dongs and twinkies before dinner... that is what also happens. You know what seperates the two? The later is something that people actually give a shit about

Grade: F

Literally had a headache all day... What the Hell
I literally don't give a shit. That's the hell.

Grade: F

Just got a free copy of The Nest in the mail. There's a magazine for married people??
Yes, there is also magazine for married people cheating on their wife with barn animals. Are you kidding me? You are surprised that there is a magazine for married people? It is a pretty large f'n segment of the world you know... and magazine's are purposely segmented into small niches. Or, just maybe, did you want to let everyone know for the 200th time this month that you are married?

Grade: F

Things change, so do cities, people come into your life and they go. But it's comforting to know that the ones you love are always in your heart... and if you're very lucky, a plane ride away :)
Okay, so I figured that an actual person didn't sit around and make this shit up for their status update - it had to come from some movie, song, tv show... and sure enough, my friend google lets me know that it is a Sex and the City quote.

Now why does it irk me, well a few reasons:

1/ I know cities change, but what is the point here. Guessing it was part of some sappy "NY isn't like it used to be" that everyone who has ever lived here always says. It was always better a decade before...

2/ People who I love are certainly in my thoughts quite often... I guess I am okay with the heart analogy as well, although from a very scientific perspective I could call bullshit. What pisses me off is the "always" crap. No one is in my heart when I am taking a dump and no one wants to be - no matter how big the love.

3/Very lucky? I think lucky should do just fine... or even just normal. I have lost plenty of people close to me, but there is still a boat load of people I love within a car ride never mind a boarding a damn plane.

All and all, I hate every quote that doesn't make me laugh or remind me of the roller palace in 6th grade

Grade F

Needs new music on her i-pod and is open to suggestions...
First reply to this update: "Buffett".

That is your recommendation on new music for a friends i-pod? While your at it... you should also rent Stand By Me and check out this show Friends. You know what... I don't even hate the status update - I just think people should be accountable for having stupid ass friends.

Grade F

Ya... E's and Sloans marriage will last... No problem
The goddamn show JUST ENDED. 90% of the people I know are watching Sunday Night Football and are going to be catching this on either OnDemand or DVR... Are you kidding me? Why in the dick do you think this is ok? Wake the hell up...

Grade F



1 comment:

Clarke said...

Great post. Couldn't agree more...